Greater Bay Put Down Your Wrecking Ball

Greater Bay Put Down Your Wrecking Ball

By the Scarlet Pimpernel

The Pimpernel Gazette has discovered a phantom-like object at Lake Worth Beach. As shown in our exclusively secured photo, it appears as a green glowing silhouette in a very likely place - what would be a person standing in the infamous line waiting for an expensive and sumptuous all cash meal at John G's.

All plans to redevelop the beach must be halted until government specialists are called all over the county, especially those in Tallahassee, to determine the significance of this oddity.

We have already determined through independent and confidential research, upon after consulting with experts, which wish not to be named, that this phenomenon must be studied further before the building is demolished. The nameless experts believe that the aberration could be trying to send us an important message. In the past we have driven across the state to photograph phantom for sale signs. Now our 72 hour stakeout of the beach has uncovered an important reason why the Casino Building should be left standing. We have done the research and plenty of unnamed experts agree with the editorial view of this publication that nothing should be torn down, much less disturbed, until we better understand who is potentially haunting the Casino Building and why.

In an effort to further the investigation, we urge you to donate liberally to our cause. We will be acquiring about twenty hand held Ion Detectors that will be used by our inner circle - those that are used to working with controls during our City Commission telekinesis experiments. These ion detectors possess excellent sensitivity, fully electromagnetically shielded and can take accurate readings even under adverse conditions. This device can be adjusted to measure positive, or in paranormal investigation cases, negative ions separately. Much like with an electro-magnetic field detector, the ions in the air will measure a high disturbance when spirit energy is present. This device is great for investigations also because it is sensitive to natural effects like radiation, electrical storms and radon.... thus, is not easily disturbed by power outlets.

So, please give generously as the next stage of our investigation hinges on your donations. We will continue to give you your opinion on this issue as our investigation continues...